


If It Ain't Broke

by PiningTsukkiEnthusiast



Series: UshiTen Week 2020 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, I walk through Ushi's depressive episode and there's a Lot, Implied/Referenced Ableism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Rainy Days, Tendou comforts him, UshiTen Week 2020, Ushijima is just going through a hard time, Ushiten Week, it's always darkest before the dawn, so don't read it unless you really are up for it ok?, this is kinda heavy ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26200945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiningTsukkiEnthusiast/pseuds/PiningTsukkiEnthusiast
Summary: Day Seven:Hurt/Comfort|Rainy Days|College AUIt's not uncommon for Wakatoshi to have nights like these.
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: UshiTen Week 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894027
Comments: 4
Kudos: 163
Collections: Ushiten Week 2020





	If It Ain't Broke

**Author's Note:**

> My Goodness, I actually made it through the whole week, on time... I feel like a new person, honestly!! Maybe I feel so shocked because every single fic was written in under 24 hours... hm... Well! Anyways, take this. It's soft and tender, but also sad and painful. Basically, Wakatoshi is going through a very Bad day, emotionally and mentally, and has had a lot of bad days recently. He's guilty about that, and if you have depression then you Get It for why. But Satori is loving and patient with him, understanding, and there to love him through it. And honestly, it's not that long of fic, but I'm really glad that I wrote it, I think.

It’s not uncommon for Wakatoshi to have nights like these.

He tosses and turns, but he can’t seem to find rest. Still thinking about the day, thinking about tomorrow. Overthinking like this is pointless, and he knows that. Knowing, however, doesn’t seem to stop his mind from doing it anyways.

At least he could take solace in the fact that tomorrow is Sunday. He will have nowhere to be and nothing to do, so he can rest and try to settle his thoughts.

While these nights have become a common occurrence, it wasn’t always like this. It started three months ago, when Wakatoshi did something very brave, and it went…horribly wrong.

Looking back, he isn’t sure why he thought he could do it and come out unscathed.

He sinks into the covers and squeezes his eyes shut, pushing the painful memory as far back in his mind as he possibly can.

 _Tomorrow will be better_ , he chants to himself like a prayer.

When he wakes up, it’s storming outside.

Morning light is muted by the dark and angry clouds, and it makes Wakatoshi want to stay in bed longer. He feels so unlike himself. The last months have been like– like being detached from his own existence, only watching his life move by but not really _living_.

It’s unfair to his friends, to the people he cares about. The ones who are doing their best to support him. But it feels like he’s never going to get any better, like this storm will never end.

His entire body feels bogged down by the weight of his own non-feeling; he can’t seem to get up. He huffs in frustration and throws an arm over his eyes. The pitter-patter of rain against his window is drilling into his brain, overwhelming his senses, and he’s too emotionally exhausted to do anything about it.

The door to his bedroom opens slowly. He peers an eye open, not surprised to see Satori standing there.

“Hey, Wakatoshi-kun,” he says, leaning against the doorframe. “I made coffee. Gonna heat up some leftovers for breakfast, okay?”

Wakatoshi hums and closes his eyes once again.

“Waka _toshi-kun_ ,” Satori sighs. He walks into the room and sits beside Wakatoshi on the bed. “I know, the rain is making it a little dreary, but by this evening, there’s gonna be clear skies. Just gotta push through it for now, okay?”

Satori runs his hand through Wakatoshi’s hair, pushes his bangs out of his face.

“Yeah…” Wakatoshi leans into the touch, forcing his eyes open again. “I’m sorry.”

Satori shakes his head. “I don’t need you to be sorry, Wakatoshi. I just want to see you okay again, and it breaks my heart, because I can’t help you.”

Wakatoshi’s being trembles, only lightly. It’s like beneath the thick layers of _nothingness_ lies an emotion. One he would struggle to identify on a good day, but on a bad day? There’s no hope. Only frustration.

“Come on. Let’s drink coffee, okay?” Satori moves his hand to caress Wakatoshi’s cheek, running his thumb over Wakatoshi’s skin. Teasingly, he brushes against Wakatoshi’s lips. It’s small, but there’s a ray of fondness that threatens to break to the surface of Wakatoshi’s chest.

Wakatoshi’s eyes water, because every little emotion, good or bad, physically hurts lately. But he nods and sits up.

“Okay.”

Satori brightens and kisses Wakatoshi’s forehead. “Good.”

Wakatoshi and Satori are roommates, and they have been for the last two years of university. That’s how they met, and as they lived together, how they fell in love. Wakatoshi had known that he was gay for a very long time, but he’d never had _feelings_ for someone like this, not before Satori came around.

They’ve been dating for a year now, though they still sleep in separate rooms most nights. But it’s love, it’s a love that Wakatoshi didn’t even think was possible to know. It’s serious. It’s, _you’re who I want to spend the rest of my life with_ , serious.

Wakatoshi follows Satori to the main area of their dorm, and the smell of coffee fills his lungs. It’s small, but he _smells it_. Not passively, but actively. His eyes fall closed for a moment, and he breathes in.

 _Today will be better_. God, he hopes that it will be.

Satori is smiling at him when he opens his eyes, almost as if he knows just what Wakatoshi is thinking. Satori is good at reading people– maybe he _does_. Wakatoshi thinks that he wouldn’t mind it if Satori could read his mind.

“Alright, which mug do you want?” Satori asks, opening the cabinet above the coffee maker.

Wakatoshi points to the mug of choice, and Satori brings that and another down. He pours them both a cup of coffee.

The rain isn’t so loud, out in the main area.

Wakatoshi sits at their small table, and Satori sits across from him. He holds the mug in his hands, allows himself a minute or two to just feel the warmth, the steam curling up from the coffee. Even at his lowest points, he tries to ground himself.

“Did you sleep alright?” Satori asks. His face shows that he already knows the answer.

Wakatoshi shakes his head. “Did you?”

Satori shrugs. “As well as I could, yes.”

Wakatoshi hums and takes a sip of his coffee. It’s just slightly on the wrong side of _too hot_ , but the slight burn to his mouth is almost comforting. That’s probably strange, but he doesn’t have the energy to care.

The light is dreary. All of it is dim, artificial light, rather than the sun. It doesn’t aid Wakatoshi’s mood. But it’s not as if he can just request that the clouds move away and the rain stop. He has to push through the storm.

“I wish I could just hug you and absorb every bad thing that you’re feeling right now,” Satori says quietly. “I wish that loving you could ease the pain. I’m sorry that it can’t.”

Wakatoshi looks up at him, surprised. “Satori… you do more than enough. I am sorry that I can’t–”

Satori shakes his head. “I know.”

“I feel…” Wakatoshi draws in an unsteady breath as he tries to put his thoughts, his buried feelings, into words. It weighs on his chest, heavy and thick. Sometimes, it’s easier to ignore. Usually, it’s like this. Suffocating.

“Take your time,” Satori tells him, reaching across the small table to squeeze Wakatoshi’s hand.

Wakatoshi nods, and his brows pinch together in thought. “I feel _weak_ ,” he begins. “Weak…and exhausted, not just from lacking sleep. Every little thing that I do seems to take up more energy than it used to.”

“You’re grieving something that you never thought you would have to grieve,” Satori says. “It’s okay to feel tired.”

“I know.” He does, he really does. Everything that Satori tells him is something that he would tell one of his loved ones, were they in his position. “But I feel like a burden on you. Like I am ruining… _us_.”

Satori sniffles quietly. “You’re not, Wakatoshi-kun.”

“I know.” It’s frustrating. He _knows_ that Satori doesn’t see him like that, the way that Wakatoshi sees himself right now. But it does nothing to quell the self-deprecating thoughts.

His words fail him– they always do, in the end. He sighs and returns to drinking his coffee. It fills his senses, so he won’t complain about that.

While he finishes drinking coffee, he faintly registers the sound of the rice cooker turning on. Ah. Satori must be heating up leftovers. It’s only a minute or so longer, and then a small plate and chopsticks are set before him. He smiles slightly, wobbly, graciously.

Satori hums and kisses the top of Wakatoshi’s head.

After they finish breakfast, Wakatoshi helps Satori clean the dishes. It’s the least that he can do, after sitting in the same spot for an hour like a lifeless lump. He washes, and Satori dries. It only takes five minutes to finish it up.

He leans against the counter, feeling gross and heavy with guilt. Satori wraps his arms around Wakatoshi’s waist and leans against his back.

“Let’s shower,” he says quietly.

Wakatoshi nods, allows himself to be guided into the bathroom. He hasn’t had a day _this_ bad in a few weeks. He knows it, and he’s sure that Satori does too, by the way he insists on caring for him. But Satori does it in a way that never infantilizes him.

Once the bathroom door is closed, Satori holds Wakatoshi’s waist, leans up to kiss him tenderly. Wakatoshi melts into him, sighs against Satori’s lips. When Satori pushes the hem of his shirt up, Wakatoshi lifts his arms, content to allow Satori to take care of him like this. In a way that just feels like love.

The way that Satori might love him on any day that he feels particularly affectionate.

Satori tosses the shirt into the hamper, and Wakatoshi rests their foreheads together.

“I love you,” he mumbles, just to make sure that Satori knows that hasn’t changed, will never change.

“I love you,” Satori says back, kissing him soft and slow once more.

His hands run over Wakatoshi’s skin, gentle and reverent. When he returns to Wakatoshi’s hips, he tugs at the waistband of Wakatoshi’s sweatpants. Wakatoshi hums in approval, and Satori pushes them down. He pulls away once more to turn on the water.

“Wakatoshi,” Satori murmurs, pulling off his own shirt. “Is there anything that you want to do today?”

Wakatoshi shakes his head, eyes subconsciously following Satori’s hands, pushing down his pajama shorts.

Satori snickers quietly. “You sure about that?” he teases, tilting Wakatoshi’s chin back up to meet his eyes.

Wakatoshi’s face warms, but he smiles. It’s small, but it’s effortless. Satori beams in reply.

“We can just relax today,” he promises, pecking Wakatoshi on the lips quickly.

Their boxers are ditched, and Satori pulls Wakatoshi into the shower, under the warm water. Wakatoshi sighs. It feels good, between having Satori’s skin on his, and the water warming his being like a liquid blanket.

“I did laundry yesterday,” Satori remembers. “We can put fresh sheets on the beds. That’s always good, for feeling fresh and better, yeah?”

Wakatoshi nods.

“Just lay around in comfy clothes and wait out the rain, okay?”

“Okay.”

Satori smiles softly, and it’s warmer than the water. He leans in to kiss Wakatoshi, lingering and deep, and Wakatoshi tries to let go of his thoughts and just _experience_ this.

(He’s so lucky to have Satori.)

Three months ago, Wakatoshi decided that it was time to tell his mother and grandmother about his relationship. About _himself_.

Despite how long he knew he was gay, it wasn’t something that he ever planned on telling them. He thought that he would never find someone who would love and understand him, so it would never be an issue he had to face.

He never expected _Satori_.

And Wakatoshi loved Satori so much, he just wanted everyone to know. Wanted his mother and grandmother to love Satori too. To be happy for them.

So, he went home for dinner one weekend, and he told them.

It was the final straw. It was the last nail in the coffin. Wakatoshi had always been a disappointment to those two. When he was four, it was because he was left-handed. At six, because he was autistic. The rest of his life, it was more little things and his family could never change it about him.

The only advocate he’d ever had in his household was his father, and his father had left a long time ago.

So, when his mother heard that he was in a relationship with another man, her expression was cold. And Wakatoshi was never going to be welcome in her home again.

He was in too much shock to cry about it. And then, as time went on, he was in too much pain to cry. It was just a numb feeling that weighed over him, keeping him from processing or moving forward.

Wakatoshi and Satori lay on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. Satori is on Wakatoshi’s chest, looking down at him fondly.

“How are you?” he asks, tracing shapes absently over Wakatoshi’s heart.

“A little better,” Wakatoshi answers honestly. The shower, the tenderness, it’s all helping, just a little.

The rain continues outside, but it’s been over an hour since Wakatoshi has heard any thunder.

Satori nods. “I’m really glad.” Then, after a pause. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

Every few days since it happened, Satori asks. Usually, Wakatoshi says no. But today… He takes a shaky breath and nods. Satori’s eyes widen, but he says nothing more.

“I wanted…them to meet you,” he begins. “But first, I had to tell them _why_ , tell them who you were to me.”

Satori squeezes Wakatoshi’s shoulder reassuringly.

“When– when I told them that I was in a relationship with another man, I could just _see_ the disdain in my mother’s face. It was another thing, the last thing, that they could never fix about me.” Wakatoshi can’t find it in himself to meet Satori’s eyes.

Satori exhales sharply, but he stays quiet until Wakatoshi finishes.

“The rest of dinner was silent,” Wakatoshi remembers. “And afterwards, my mother told me to leave, and not to come back unless it was to tell her that I had found a woman to settle down with.”

His lip quivers, but he still can’t quite cry. Crying has never been his thing. Talking about it, though… it’s helping him process it.

“It breaks my heart,” Satori whispers. “It breaks my heart that the people who should love and support you, have instead tried to convince you that you were broken, your entire life.”

And Wakatoshi has never truly let himself think about it like that before. The thing is, Satori’s right. He’s felt like something was wrong with him…ever since he can remember.

“Wakatoshi,” he continues, “there is nothing wrong with you.” Satori traces Wakatoshi’s jaw and cheekbones with his fingertips, reverent and soft. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, yeah? You’re not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. You deserve to be loved, like this, as you are, and without anyone trying to change you.”

Wakatoshi squeezes his eyes shut. He knows that. He knows it, because it’s exactly what he would tell anyone he cares about in this situation. It’s painful, how much he struggles to believe this for himself.

Satori kisses Wakatoshi’s forehead, for what feels like the hundredth time today.

“Wakatoshi.” He leans their foreheads together, and Wakatoshi feels Satori’s eyelashes against his skin. “I wish I could make them love you as much as I do. But more than that, I wish I could make _you_ love yourself, as much as I do.”

The rain sounds like it’s picking up. Just the sound sends a chill through Wakatoshi’s body.

“I would do anything, if it meant that you could see that you are beautiful as you are. I would go anywhere, say anything, get anyone. But I know that this is something you have to get through yourself. So, even when I’m beside you – or more accurately, on top of you – the fact you have to do it alone… hurts. I want to do it for you, I want to make you stop hurting, but I know I can’t.”

“I know,” Wakatoshi says, voice coming out all broken and weak. “I know.”

“But I’m going to be right here anyways, until you don’t want me anymore. I’m going to keep loving you enough for the both of us. And maybe, it’ll be okay. Even if it takes a long time, I’m not going anywhere.”

Wakatoshi wraps his arms around Satori to hold him impossibly closer. Words fail him today, even more than most days. At least his actions can still speak his thoughts.

Satori smiles and leans down to kiss him. “I love you,” he mumbles against Wakatoshi’s lips. “And I think that if we pick up where we left off before the shower, it could _totally_ take your mind off things…” He rolls his hips lightly.

Wakatoshi blinks at him for a moment, almost in shock that after all of this, Satori is trying to seduce him. And it’s so surprising that a laugh falls from Wakatoshi’s lips. He leans his head back, laughing quietly, and he knows that this was Satori’s real goal.

It’s the most he’s felt all day, a warmth in his chest. It still hurts, it still cuts through the _nothingness_ like a dull knife.

But Wakatoshi knows that eventually, the storm will end. Satori will still be right here on the other side of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Satori wasn't _actually_ trying to seduce Wakatoshi, just make him giggle, but it doesn't matter 'cause it worked anyways lmao. Okay! Woo, we really did that, huh? Follow me on [Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/lovingyachi) and scream with me about Haikyuu!! and other shit


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